TrendTrition: Grapples, fruit with low self-esteem!

Last week, my husband grabbed apples from the grocery store for his office stash.  As they sat on the counter, I noticed a distinctive faux-grape aroma wafting from ... did Mark start wearing Bonnie Bell lip gloss again?  Snork!  It's the apples.  Or rather...

...GRAPPLES!

Anytime you see an ingredients list on a package of apples, run to the farmers' market and hug your local farmer and maybe roll around on the produce in a fit of kitty-in-a-field-of-catnip ecstasy.

This isn't the result of the Future Farmers of America field trip to the Island of Dr. Moreau.  It's straight-up injection infusion into the apple of "natural and artificial grape flavors", which is like Spanx or collagen injections for produce with a wonky super-ego.

Check it: the anthropomorphized Grapples look freaking thrilled to not be themselves anymore.  Much like makeover winners with lots of rejection issues, Grapples virtually cry out "Eat me!"

But, I think they're the laughing-on-the-outside/crying-on-the-inside kind of fruit, so I won't.

Coming soon: blueberries that taste like gravy.

TrendTrition: JELL-O is health food now!

American food companies heart buzzwords.  Omega-3's on the Today Show? Antioxidants in Parade Magazine?  Oprah loves fiber!  Time for 100-Calorie Packs of Omega-3 Whole Grain Oreos with AntioxidantPlus! Because that's better than eating real food.

Here's the latest trend-tritious calamity to stick in my proverbial craw (nothing sticks in my real craw ~ I eat lots of fiber):

JELL-O ... with Antioxidants?  For giggles and mark-up, they've also buzzworded these monstrosities with goji and acai!  Thought: if you're using boiled pig bones 'n' skin, artificial sweetener, artificial color and artificial flavor as your antioxidant delivery method of choice, you're kind of missing the point.

Now, go eat a piece of fruit.