Queen of This Tiny Land: food

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Top Chef DC: John Somerville will be played by Jeff Goldblum

Top Chef DC sanely asked John "Rasta Goldblum" Somerville to pack his knives and go. In his own words, "I barely had a chance to pull a knife out of my bag." I take that as a threat.

He also tries to mind-snuggle us with "women really love my pastries" and "I'm a really likable kind of a guy." Kind of.

Also, his "toenails grow at a rate that you can't even believe." Oh, that kind of likable.

Hear him say those words and others that will make you never want to eat again:

When he tries to slash Eric Ripert's obscenely beautiful francoface after sneaking back on-set, his sad little toenail-clipping-strewn life story will be made into a movie. And he will be played by Jeff Goldblum wearing several aged and tranquilized llamas on his head.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Baked Kale Chips from Top Chef Masters

If you were intrigued by Chef Jody Adams' Lisa Simpson-inspired plate of vegetarian goodness, which included baked kale chips, then we have at least that in common.

I made them tonight, and they really are addictive. The taste reminds me of roasted broccoli, the texture like roasted seaweed snacks.

Here's the method I tried, based on both Chef Adams' recipe from the Top Chef website, and Lucy Del Rey's recipe on AllRecipes.com.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Take 1 bundle of organic curly kale, and tear the leaves off of the central stem.
Tear the leaves into bite-sized pieces. Wash and dry them thoroughly.
Spread them on a cookie sheet, and toss with about 1/2 Tbsp. of olive oil. Alternately, spray them with olive oil or canola oil.
Bake in preheated oven until the ends begin to turn brown and crispy. Both recipes note this as 10 minutes, although both of my batches took closer to 15 minutes.
Sprinkle with sea salt and any other flavorings you want.

Jummy!

The kale chips keep surprisingly well, so bake a big batch to make healthy snacking easier.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

TrendTrition: Grapples, fruit with low self-esteem!

Last week, my husband grabbed apples from the grocery store for his office stash. As they sat on the counter, I noticed a distinctive faux-grape aroma wafting from ... did Mark start wearing Bonnie Bell lip gloss again? Snork! It's the apples. Or rather...

...GRAPPLES!

Anytime you see an ingredients list on a package of apples, run to the farmers' market and hug your local farmer and maybe roll around on the produce in a fit of kitty-in-a-field-of-catnip ecstasy.

This isn't the result of the Future Farmers of America field trip to the Island of Dr. Moreau. It's straight-up ~~injection~~ infusion into the apple of "natural and artificial grape flavors", which is like Spanx or collagen injections for produce with a wonky super-ego.

Check it: the anthropomorphized Grapples look freaking thrilled to not be themselves anymore. Much like makeover winners with lots of rejection issues, Grapples virtually cry out "Eat me!"

But, I think they're the laughing-on-the-outside/crying-on-the-inside kind of fruit, so I won't.

Coming soon: blueberries that taste like gravy.

Suite 101: Kids Can Become Vegetable Lovers!

In my continuing series of articles on Suite 101, discover how to teach your children to LOVE vegetables.

The most recent article, "Participation Turns Kids Into Vegetable Eaters", teaches you four simple, effective ways to use participation as the key to encourage healthful eating.

The series continues throughout May and June on Suite 101.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

TrendTrition: JELL-O is health food now!

American food companies heart buzzwords. Omega-3's on the Today Show? Antioxidants in Parade Magazine? Oprah loves fiber! Time for 100-Calorie Packs of Omega-3 Whole Grain Oreos with AntioxidantPlus! Because that's better than eating real food.

Here's the latest trend-tritious calamity to stick in my proverbial craw (nothing sticks in my real craw ~ I eat lots of fiber):

JELL-O ... with Antioxidants? For giggles and mark-up, they've also buzzworded these monstrosities with goji and acai! Thought: if you're using boiled pig bones 'n' skin, artificial sweetener, artificial color and artificial flavor as your antioxidant delivery method of choice, you're kind of missing the point.

Now, go eat a piece of fruit.

Arroz y frijoles for the white girl

Plinky prompt of the day:

What was your go-to "broke meal?"

Beans & rice ~ or Arroz y Frijoles, as I called them in order to feel ethnic, revolutionary and unbroke. As if it was my meal of choice, a protest against patriarchal oppression, or maybe something with the Sandinistas...or...I don't know. I was broke.

I still love beans & rice, but now I gormandize them with wine like the detached bourgeois I've worked so hard to become. Vino la revolucion!